The Biggest Loser

I finally hopped on the Biggest Loser train. Watched my first full episode this week and I just kept going.

I can't really decide if I love this show or hate it. On one hand, it purports to promote a healthy lifestyle and it sort of does and let's be honest, it's nice or at least refreshing, to see non-plastic surgeried people on the screen. This is how much of America looks. On the other hand, it's called "the Biggest Loser" and I really can't stand shows that exploit more than they help. I'll admit that I get a sort of sick fascination from watching "Hoarders," and I'm on the fence about whether it does anyone any good but this is an elimination show that pits morbidly obese contestants against each other. They'll say things like "If I get sent home this week I'm dead. I'm just going to eat myself to the grave." while the opposing team cheers for their failure. It's disturbing, right? It's a show and it's obviously about the viewers, the bottom line. Product placement is rammed down your throat - wait a second, just need to sign up for 24 hour fitness real quick - and it's clear that this method of losing weight, working out 5 hours a day and restricting calories, is not healthy. Also, in the first season (I know it's different now) you win by winning the MOST WEIGHT. This obviously doesn't make sense because a 300 pound person has more weight to lose than a 200 pound person. So, it's highly flawed but no one makes much of a fuss about it because Americans don't understand mathematics.

I googled some of the past contestants and apparently the winner of season 1 said that the contestants would do really unhealthy things like fast and dehydrate themselves before the weigh-in. He said that he would regularly urinate blood. Ugh. It's hard to watch a show when the fourth wall has been decimated in that way, but I kept watching anyway. Because I have faith. I want to believe.

Another refreshing aspect of the show is the way the female participants have bonded. There's no preening, no fighting over male attention (everyone's married, anyway) and they are sisters in the FIGHT. The men are actually the ones picking at each other and breaking each other down. I think this is a more accurate portrayal of female friendships as I know them. If you were to believe other reality shows, women exist only to side eye each other and hide each other's yogurts. That's not how is! The women I know are constantly lifting each other up and rooting for each other.

Something that does make me scream at my laptop screen (watching on Hulu) is the way that NO ONE understands nutrition. They're all really confused about what to eat because I guess they've only ever cooked with velveeta and a ton of mayonnaise? I don't get it. There are ways to make healthy, delicious food. Spices, vinegars, tons of greens and whole grains. It's a simple equation. But the women keep restricting their calories and picking at carb-y things. If the food is featured in a commercial you probably shouldn't be eating it. Eat more good stuff. Eat less bad stuff. Liberal west coast rant ends now.

But the single greatest mystery of Season 1 is Dave. Dave, who is fat, who has no hair, who has no discernible sense of humor. I dunno, maybe he's really rich?

Sorry for the text. This is a screen shot. So that's Dave. That's not an unflattering shot of him, that's just how he looks.


This is Dave's wife. More blurry photography to follow.

Yes. She is hot. She is a hot Asian woman. She is married to Dave. I know you guys are probably thinking that I am cruel, that true love is blind. Or maybe you're thinking she married him for money or he used to be handsome in another life. I ran through all of those options. I also thought she might have married him for a green card? She said about 3 words in this scene but her English did sound pretty good. And she looks American! She looks Asian-American. Not Asian. There's a huge difference and I know because I'm Asian-American and I swear to God I'm so good at this it hurts. I was at a Sees candy with my friend the other day and there were three Asian women in front of us in line. I whispered to her: "Those Asian girls are not from here." She was confused because we live in a very densely Asian populated area and seeing three Asian women is commonplace. But something was off. They were, I dunno, too classy? Definitely not SoCal girls, definitely not from our area, their bags were too expensive and their hair was too un-dyed. She didn't believe me but then they started a friendly chat with the cashier and said that they "weren't from here" and wouldn't be needing the frequent customer card. They were "getting on a plane tomorrow." Oh God. That was the happiest and most vindicated I've felt in days. Months. Maybe years. It's moments like those that make life worth living. But back to Dave's wife. Who is she? Is she an actress that Dave hired to play his wife? Is she his beard?

There are such deep enigmas that surround us. Consciousness -- the brain attempting to understand itself. The Big Bang theory. How a cat could travel 200 miles to find its owners in a different state. And    most mysteriously, the asymmetry of attractiveness of Dave and Dave's wife. This was only about 30 seconds in the show but I wished the show would continue to film Dave and his wife. I would watch a spin-off show about them.

I'm sorry that this post was hi-jacked by Dave and his wife. I can't take responsibility for that. There are just moments that compel you to write, you know?

But yeah, back to the Biggest Loser -- it's deeply flawed. It's everything that's wrong with America. Let's take a bunch of morbidly obese people and have them do degrading things to win prizes! Let's film it! Let's finance it with heavy handed product placement! But after I finish this I will watch a few more hours till my bedtime.