Backbeat

Backbeat is the story of a tortured, sexed-out, sensitive painter named Stuart Sutcliffe (played by Stephen Dorff, 1994’s pre-emptive answer to the fem and pretty Robert Pattinson). He’s the infamous “fifth Beatle.” This is when the Beatles first are together. In Hamburg, they play in stripclubs and sleep with anything that moves. John Lennon (played by the real John Lennon’s total look-alike, and who subsequently played John in other movies, Ian Hart) is the leader and he takes a fancy to Stuart. When someone comments that Stuart isn’t a very good bass player and that he just stands there, John acknowledges this, but counters, “Yes, but it’s the WAY he stands.” And, that pretty much sums up Stuart’s totally sexy charisma.

So, The Beatles continue to play for pennies and they’re just not taking off. Then, Stuart and the boys meet Astrid Kirchherr (played by Sheryl Lee), a photographer who famously cuts their hair into the iconic moptop style. As much as I fell in love with Stuart, I was equally enamored of Astrid. In fact, in order to mimic Astrid, after I saw Backbeat I got my blonde hair cut into a short, 1960s mod crop (and proceeded to be mistaken for a boy for the better part of middle school).

Stuart falls for Astrid and they start a sweet affair, marred only by John’s attraction to Stuart and Astrid’s own on again/off again boyfriend, Klaus. Stu’s love of art and his admittance into art school ultimately lead him down a different path than the one traveled by The Beatles. The movie is good not only because of the cast of characters, but because it oozes style. It’s Hamburg. It’s the 1960s. It’s a bunch of boys from Liverpool. The pants are tight; the hair is cropped; people have dark rooms in their bathrooms; cigarettes are chic; drugs are rampant; and sex is expected. God, I’m salivating just thinking about it. The style is enough, but what is more is the music. Borrowing from the first perceptions of The Beatles, the soundtrack musicians all sort of derive from punk, and even include Dave Pirner from Soul Asylum and Dave Grohl from Nirvana. It’s raw and raunchy—kinda like the Beatles were before they got big.

Backbeat is not really at all a story of how Stuart comes this close to enormous fame and then backs out. He was a gifted painter who never intended on doing rock and roll forever. It was a gig for fun. But, that’s not to discount the beginning fame and struggles of the Beatles. Watching John watching Stuart, one cannot discount the possibility that John started and kept the Beatles going on the hope that Stuart would stay and play forever. Given Stuart’s sexy charm and talent, who could really blame John?

Long Live MY SO-CALLED LIFE!

My So-Called Life is the best show I’ve ever seen about a teenage girl. Claire Danes plays Angela Chase, a sophomore in high school who begins to examine her life, to look at high school through a real lens, to understand herself. In a manic-panic move, she dyes her hair Crimson Glow because her hair was holding her back, so says Rayanne Graf, her colorful friend. Angela quits Yearbook, explaining to the teacher that they work so hard to create this book. This yearbook ends up becoming such a lie because it doesn’t depict what REALLY happened. It’s what everyone thinks was SUPPOSED to happen. And, if you made a book about what REALLY happened, it would be a really disturbing book.

So, that all happened right in the first episode, and I was completely in love from the start. I mean, isn’t it clear…just from that revelation about a yearbook? This show is just really good. Every episode is nuanced with heartbreak that resonates. It’s the “Pimple” episode where Angela’s insecurities about her looks come out. It’s the “Boiler Room” episode where Jordan (played by the very dreamy Jared Leto) will only make out with Angela on the sly. But, at the end of the episode, when he walks with Angela down the hallway and takes her hand, you’re just so happy for her and you forgive him and you feel seen (right along with Angela) for the first time. (And, the Buffalo Tom song is perfect here.) It’s the “Our Town” episode. Rayanne gets the part in the play, and Angela isn’t speaking to her. But, at a rehearsal Angela must stand in for another actor and play opposite Rayanne. I swear I tear up every time I see that…Angela (a stage hand for Our Town) is crying for real when she must ask Rayanne (in script) “Were you happy?” And, Rayanne (in character) answers, “No.” That just gets me. It’s all so real and true and beautiful. I mean, there are just layers upon layers of good, honest moments.

I have the box set of the first season and when I watch it now, I can’t help but notice the story lines of the parents in a way I never did before. Jeez, marriage and long-term relationships are just really complicated. And, even when you love each other, it’s so easy to offend. And, it’s easy to cheat, and it’s easy to lose sight of your common path, and it’s easy to forget the reasons you even wanted to start this life together. But, that’s the thing about life (and MSCL). Life is messy and Angela doesn’t always do the most honest thing or behave correctly. She’s flawed, just like all of us. But, more than flawed, she’s introspective and constantly struggling to forgive herself those flaws while dissecting their very nature. More than anything else, this show displays in a real, raw way the experience of a teenage girl--an experience that does not usually get noticed with such respect and truth. Girls are complicated at every age, even when they are cynical and sensitive 15 year olds. They deserve to be truthfully portrayed, and My So-Called Life does that in the best way I've ever seen. Years ago, I heard the producer Marshall Herskowitz, talking on the NPR radio program Fresh Air. He thought it to be such a privilege to be able to give teenage girls a real voice when so often they are pocketed into stereotypes without much depth. Angela Chase is no such stereotype.

MSCL only lasted one season (1994). I’m sure some Lifers will convince themselves that MSCL was actually saved—as it was preserved—in this one perfect capsule. I disagree! I wanted Life after it got cancelled, and I’m still hungry for more. So good. So honest. So relevant to the inner workings of the human condition, in my humble opinion.

The Celebration (Festen)

If you tell someone the Celebration is your favorite movie and they have even an inkling of what the movie is about, they will think you are a disgusting human being. This happened to me about a month ago when I was rattling off my top movies: Mallrats, Terminator 2, lots of foreign films, the Celebration. The guy I was talking to nearly choked on his pad thai. But hey, at least its not Gummo.

The Celebration is about a patriarch's huge 60th birthday blowout. Set in Denmark's countryside (that's about as far as my geography knowledge will take me) the Celebration is a Dogme 95 film. You know Dogme 95. Dogme was an attempt by Danish filmmakers Lars von Trier, Thomas Vinterberg et al. to create a new way of making films, stripped of artifice and the bloated Hollywood post-production process. Some of the goals were: no special lighting, genre films, superficial action...the director must not be credited. The idea, which I have taken from an interview of Mr. von Trier himself, was to limit yourself so severely (like the Sweats challenge!) that you grasped onto something brilliant as you were falling. Mr. von Trier is known as being a great filmmaker and a huge asshole. Dancer in the Dark and Breaking the Waves were good, so heartbreakingly brilliant, don't get me wrong. But Mr. von Trier runs his mouth criticizing the United States when he hasn't even been here! Like any good liberal, I can criticize the U.S. all I want but once a European follows suit, I become a Palin "real American." With us or against Mr. von Trier, with us or against us.

Alright, for awhile it seemed like Dogme was a success, as Dogme film #1, The Celebration, was the Grand Jury Prize winner at the Cannes film festival. Dogme has lost a lot of its credence because its attempt to forego gimmicks was a gimmick in itself. A collective of avant garde filmmakers! 10 goals like the 10 commandments! Content and form horribly misaligned. Nontheless, the Celebration is a Dogme film and it will forever be pegged as Dogme #1.

The movie is really good. Not because of its Dogma-ness (well, maybe in part) but because the story is so tight and it unravels both quickly and with supreme patience. Helge, the patriarch, is celebrating his 60th birthday at the family run hotel.

Christian (Ulrich Thomsen) makes an opening speech, saying that Helge used to rape him and his twin sister as children. The upper crust guests are appalled but laugh it off in a masterful move of collective deception. Christian is thrown out and the door is slammed. The guests go back to eating and Christian walks right back in. Because they didn't lock the door. It's just such a good moment, comedic in the face of tragedy. Christian makes another speech, in this one he accuses his mother of walking in when his father was raping him.

Amidst the accusations the waiters bring out another course. It's kinda like the Discreet Charm of the Bourgeosie; there is death and absurdity amidst the fine china and silverware. Vinterberg mixes the weighty accusation of incest with scenes of drunken laughter and dancing. Up until 3/4 of the movie the viewer thinks that maybe it is all Christian's imagination. Maybe Helge can still be the upstanding family man that the party wants him to be. And the audience maybe wants it, too. He's built this hotel empire; everyone has really kind words to say about him. His wife is unimpeachably elegant and gorgeous. But everyone knows that is not true. Towards the end of the movie, Helene, Christian's sister reads a note left by Linda, Christian's twin who recently committed suicide. She writes that she had dreams Dad was molesting her again and that was why she was taking her life. It is here that the party's goodwill ends. Helge has scarred his children and killed his daughter.

The next day at breakfast (yes, this was a destination party and everyone is present at BREAKFAST THE NEXT DAY AFTER THAT DEBACLE). Helge has fallen. His son, the bumbling baby of the family, Michael, refuses to allow his children to eat near their grandfather. No longer in his tux, Helge looks like a shrunken man. His life is over.

It takes two hours but Helge finally gets what he deserves. The disdain and disgust of his family and friends. No gimmicks. Just justice.

Jean de Florette

Jean de Florette is a totally Frenchie movie. First off, it has the only French actor that every English speaker knows of—hello!..My Father the Hero, Green Card—Gerard Depardieu. Yes, we’ve all seen him in recent years in Us or People in one of the beach issues where they show celebrities with cellulite and guts. He looks like one of the worst—in a speedo on the French Riviera or Jamaica or something. And, we all excuse him because he’s European, but really, we’re all just grossed out by his puffed-up body. It’s like seeing Arnold Schwarzenegger on the beach in teeny bottoms. He is Austrian, but, come on! Any way, I digress.

In Jean de Florette, Gerard looks good—albeit with some meat on his bones—because it is 1986 and he isn’t all bloated from booze or food or coke. Jean (played by Gerard) and his family inherit an old house with land—the same land that the jealous neighbor wanted to buy. Jean’s farm flourishes and he begins to raise rabbits. That’s when the neighbor finds a way to shove Jean’s family off the farm.

So, the pace is kind of slow, but it’s deliberate. When the neighbor really starts his trouble, you’ll appreciate that rhythm because you’ll find yourself right there with Jean, suffering all the way. Of course, Jean has a daughter that makes it into the sequel, Manon (Manon des sources: Jean de Florette 2). She’s a teenager in Manon and you’ll love it because, in typical French whore-ishness, there is an obligatory scene where the pretty blonde is dancing naked, oblivious to the Peeping Tom. Yeah, it’s good.

Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can't lose.

(warning: To all three of our readers, it's gonna be long and rambly)

Sometimes you have to rise to meet life's challenges. Triathlons. Senior theses. Watching 6 consecutive episodes of Friday Night Lights on a Sunday night. As I write I am still streaming via Netflix so it might be 7. It's true that FNL is filled with cliches. Football as metaphor for life. High school "sophomores" with sick receding hairlines. The town slut who acts like she can f*** with the best of them but is really, just a marshmallow inside who wants to be loved. It gets worse. The golden boy star quarterback suffers a tackle that lands him in a wheelchair during THE FIRST GAME. The second string milquetoast QB (who loves Jackson Pollock and Bob Dylan) steps up and has "one hell of an arm."

But it's okay. Because of Taylor Kitsch. Just look to the left. He plays Tim Riggins "Riggs," a cuspy alcoholic defensive lineman (? I just made that up). He has the body of a Greek god and that face. God. Those cheekbones could cut through steel and he has a Edward Furlong anemic look in the eye area that gets me. every. time. And he's good. He's a good actor. But mostly he's a good handsome looking guy. He was a one time Abercrombie model. I know--you can cry and curse--I did. Okay, aside from his appearance, Kitsch has perfected that hard-breathing-I'm-about-to-cry-in-a-very-masculine-angry-way sort of acting. He heaves with the best of them.

And all cliches aside, FNL is really good. Set in backwater Dillon, Texas, FNL is about a town that eats, drinks and breathes football. It's filmed in a sort of muted way and it weaves elegantly through multiple story lines. Of course there's latent racism and overt sexism. Like, how come all the white kids have names like "Jason" and "Tim" and the two black characters are named "Voodoo" and "Smash"? I'm being serious. Maybe it's a sort of "only black folk are cool enough to carry off nicknames." I hope so.

And on another note, I've always envied what I term "the universally lovable young male." I feel like older men and young men have, or can have, an enviable bond. Curt words. Cursing. Respect. And also, it's fucked up that a movie/show can explore male relationships ad nauseum and still be marketed as a show about the human condition, whereas a movie about women is a chick flick. Yeah, that's right. I'm going on a long feminist rant now. See Manohla Dargis "Fuck them". Alright, done with that.

The actors are really good. Kyle Chandler, (from what I gather on IMDB, a B- character actor) does really good as Coach Taylor, a straight talking, honest, doe eyed man in his 40's. But it's a young 40's for all you ladies. Minka Kelly is adequate, a bit of a poor man's Penelope Cruz, but she plays her perfect virginesque role well. The breakout star is, of course, Kitsch but I've already written about him. I guess I could write more. Kitsch's Riggs is stoic. Few words. Long glances. Melting panties. Whoa, excuse me.

The storyline is tight and characters are fleshed out. Alright, I am now on my third slice of chocolate cake and the 7th episode of FNL. I'll be back with more FNL developments...

BOLERO by Maurice Ravel

I'm sure you've at least heard this piece. Torvill and Dean (the most famous ice dancers) won the 1984 Sarajevo Olympics with this song. The song is Bolero and it is amazing.

While away at school, I happened to come across the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra website and they were set to perform Bolero. It was during finals and no one was interested in going with me, so I went by myself. I remember running into my friend, Jeff, on campus. I was all dressed up, even wearing heels to walk around SF. I only had my clutch and an umbrella with me. He was like, Where are you going? To the symphony, I said. During finals? Yes. And, it was totally worth it.

I was the youngest person there by 50 years. The tickets were pretty cheap because it was a matinee. I had never been to the symphony before, and I really did not know what to expect. They played, I think, four songs total. Bolero came after the intermission. Bolero is about 20 minutes long. It starts out quiet, a whisper. And, then it builds and builds and builds until you can actually feel the instruments pulsate through your body. It really is like sex. The whole song takes its time, priming you, readying you, steadying you, rocking you until the triumphant climax. My body swayed to it and I was on the edge of my seat, wanting to embrace the whole orchestra.

I got a cup of coffee after, and walked back to the train by myself. I couldn't stop thinking about Bolero. I was kind of sad after. It was all done, and I knew that even though I ended up buying a Maurice Ravel cd, listening to it on a stereo would not be the same as in person. Sometimes, I do listen to it on my computer or something. If you see me sitting in the library with head phones on, and suddenly I'm all hot and bothered, you can figure out what's going on.

Grey Gardens

I'm not really in love or even in like with Drew Barrymore. But, she managed to transform herself and she changed my mind in Grey Gardens. Drew plays Little Edie and Jessica Lange plays her mother, Big Edie. The movie spans a time frame from the 1930s until the present. And, let me tell you, the aging make-up is really well done. Drew, especially, is really transformed. But, it's not only the make-up. I've never seen the real Little Edie, but I would like to. If she is anything like Drew's rendition (and word on the street is that she is), then she is a total character, dancing all the time and telling a whopper of a lie whenever she can.

The women are Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy's relatives and that is really why they get any attention at all. Two documentary filmmakers befriend them and work on their movie. So, we see the documentary being shot. (The real documentary is available to view.) And, we see the two Edies--especially Little Edie--react to their camera. The mother is over the top and fun and that eccentricity has rubbed off on Little Edie. She is a dancer and a performer and lives to be "on."

What do you do with a caricature of a mother who loves you very much and nurtures you and encourages you to stay in her own crazy world and life? Well, Little Edie stays for a long time. The mother and daughter eventually live in squalor as their trust fund dwindles and their balance of real and imagined becomes more off-kilter.

Grey Gardens is not so much of a downer as it is kind of funny and charming. The Edies are so alive, so camera-ready, and so poised to make their mark that their housing conditions seem like only an after thought. I guess Little Edie is living in Florida now. If she's still doing a cabaret act, I would totally go see her.

The Watcher in the Woods

When I was about 5 or 6 years old, I loved The Watcher in the Woods...LOVED it. I don't really remember the plot, but I do remember not really understanding what was going on even back then. I just loved the tone of the movie. It's really creepy. Two sisters come to live in the countryside and there is an old neighbor lady who stares at them through the upstairs window. The little sister begins seeing images or getting possessed due to the death of another girl's spirit (Karen) roaming around the grounds.

There are so many parts that I never understood, but both scared me and intrigued me. The older sister (the ice skater from Ice Castles!) gets choked in a river. The little sister, however, is really eerie because she identifies with the ghost. So, for me, the most resonating moment of the movie is when the little girl writes the word Karen on a window and reads it backwards. Nerak. She decides to call her dog that. The reason that part was so disturbing to me is that I actually do speak words backwards all the time. So, as a little girl watching this possessed little girl do something that I had always done made me feel like the freak I have since become.

I'm going to watch this movie again to see if it still creeps me out. And, if you speak or say words backwards, well...you may have found your kindred spirit in the little girl in the movie. Be afraid...be very afraid.

Moon

How can a movie starring a man and a smiley face (computer) be so good????? HOW????! The man is Sam Bell (played by Sam Rockwell), an astraunaut contracted by Lunar Industries to oversee and do repair jobs for their station on Earth's moon. He has to live alone for 3 years. It is lonely but he has GERTY, the smiley face computer. He talks to GERTY, GERTY talks to him. GERTY is voiced by Kevin Spacey. Sometimes, GERTY expresses concern for Sam; his smiley face becomes a frowny face. Their relationship is weird....and precious.  I don't want to give anything away. I went into the theater not knowing anything about it except for the cool poster. So, Sam is lonely, Sam has GERTY, but Sam discovers something very very strange... Directed by Duncan Jones (David Bowie's son!). Beautiful sad movie. 5 out of 5 stars.

Evil (Ondskan)

Some (me) would argue that Andreas Wilson (protagonist Erik Ponti) is the second most beautiful man alive (c. 2003). This review is not to argue that point because Ondskan (Swedish for "evil") is much more than 113 mins of eye candy. It is a movie about the pecking order among male boarding schoolers and one individual who cares neither to uphold nor defy this order but simply wants to be left alone. But that is not possible. The movie is set up so that Ponti must remain in the boarding school; withdrawal is out of the question. Thus, in a closed system, his very existence in it makes him a participant. He must deal with the rules and the order, one way or another. Nicely filmed movie, "gripping," but, alas, not unconventional. So, 3.5 out of 5 stars. But, I mean, I can't just discount all that eye candy, which is worth, like, at least 2 points in and of itself. So, in total, 5.5 out of 5 stars.

I Don't want to sleep alone (Hei Yan Quan)

I don't want to sleep alone is a cinematic masterpiece. Tsai Ming Liang is an amazingly patient director and this movie is a testament to his patience. Every scene is wonderfully drawn out. The protagonist peeing. A woman gazing. People sleeping. You know in High Fidelity when that guy asks John Cusack how his records are organized? Chronologically? Nope. Alphabetically? Nope. Then how? Autobiographically. Holy fuck!! That's kinda how I like to store movies in my mind. Autobiographically. I remember I watched I Don't want to sleep alone at the berkeley pacific film archive. Maybe it was an Asian film festival? The theater was really empty. The movie was art house as fuck and a few people walked out. I was with my friend, A. We often watched movies together and she was the perfect partner because she wouldn't dissect it afterwards but we were always on the same wavelength. We'd use really generic and normative phrases to describe the movie but it made sense because we understood, deeply, how we each felt.

The film is set in Kuala Lumpur and it took awhile for this to register because Chinese, Bangladeshi, Indian and Malay people populate the screen. It all starts with this abandoned mattress that is lugged and dragged across the city. This isn't like Danny Boyle's vision of poverty. This is a filthy, grimy and gritty city. Forgive the description (I saw the movie years ago... so I have these gaping holes in my memory)...A man drags the mattress to his apartment and scrubs and cleans it. He finds a badly beaten man on the street and scrubs and cleans him as well. They sleep together on the bed. They don't have sex but the sleeping and gazing is more really intimate, somehow. Oh god, I've forgotten nearly everything about the movie (what a great reviewer) except a few key scenes. The characters rarely speak. In fact, the main character never says a word and we never learn his name. Tsai utilizes gaze and feel much more than words. There's this incredible phantasmic fantasy with fishing and fireworks and an old decrepit warehouse?

Worst review ever. I'll admit it. I need to watch the movie again. Maybe it won't be as good this time around because I'm a hardened pragmatist now. But I loved it once. It was so beautiful.

Roseanne: Part 1

All images from thirdanddelaware.tumblr.com. This is a blog that is devoted to chronicling the fashion in EVERY ROSEANNE EPISODE EVER. Heavenly.
The chicken shirt. Roseanne has this wonderful chicken shirt that looks worn and wonderful, sweet and comfortable. It pairs well with jeans, with slacks, with anything. I need this shirt. I want this shirt.
Here, are you kidding me? Every single person in the Conner family dons the infamous chicken shirt. Except Becky but she doesn't really count. I love this shirt. The fashion on Roseanne was so good. I'm not trying to be funny or ironic. But these images really move me. It is about inimitable style that can be borrowed but not stolen. The shirt looks just as good on DJ as it does on Roseanne. And of course, Jackie can do no wrong. When I was in college my bestie and I would go on all sorts of fashion adventures together. Our senior year we started "the sweats challenge." We had to wear sweats for 30 days. The idea was you limited yourself so severely that you had to create something amazing. We bought little boys sweats and paired them with cardigans, skirts, trenches. We only lasted 11 days (this was partially because my friend was starting to quasi-date this boy and felt uncomfortable wearing sweats around him) Ok, the point is, there is glory is something so simple and worn. Like this chicken shirt. It probably smells and has yellow armpit stains but it is good.

The Devil Wears 27 Prada Dresses

Two movies. One screenwriter. I mean, is it even possible for two different people to come up with the fluff that is both The Devil Wears Prada AND 27 Dresses?

These are two really bad movies. But, they're bad in a really good way. If I catch either movie on HBO at any time of day, I can watch it without any problem. Yeah, I may have missed something here or there, but it really doesn't matter. I've never actually watched either of these all the way through from start to finish. So, every time the movie comes on and I see a different scene, I just think, "oh, so...that's how that next scene all comes together." No big deal. It's a surprise. And, since the plots of both are super predictible, all of the nuances you may miss mean pretty little. Don't even worry about them.

First, The Devil Wears Prada. So, we have this young woman (Anne Hathaway) who is recently graduated from some top-notch school and thinks she's hot shit. Needless to say, she's totally not into fashion, but she lands (in my humble opinion) a killer job in the fashion business. The only problem is that she works for a bitch (played by a "Maude" look-alike Meryl Streep). Of course, the boss lady is powerful in the industry and Hollywood would make her no less than a total nightmare to work for.

Anne Hathaway--who is pretty and likeable and adds somethin' somethin' to her role--finally gets her bangs cut and gets a wardrobe she could never afford. Aaahhh...she's finally looking better and is getting accepted by her boss and peers...I get it, alright? Plucking eyebrows equals pretty equals good job equals everyone loves you. That ugly duckling business never gets old...! Oh, and her boyfriend is Adrian Grenier (you know...from Drive Me Crazy). He has about as much charisma here as he had in Drive. He mopes throughout the movie because--what??!!--his girlfriend has to work. The nerve.

So, the story is blah, but the clothes are great. And, even though the audience is supposed to be totally against Meryl and all she stands for, I really love this movie because she has MY DREAM JOB. And, I really do not understand why Anne would want to leave her job to be at a no-paying newspaper desk. The fashions. The backstabbing. Paris. God, I LOVE the fashion industry.

And, here we are at 27 Dresses--another movie where the story is slight, and nothing completely dramatic happens and it's just a mundane ride. I think Katherine Heigl is really beautiful and she sort of lights up the screen. I don't know why anyone would buy her as the Ugly Sister. Well, she's not as blonde in this movie, so maybe they're right...!

Katherine is tall and statuesque and I kind of am into the Hot Guy in the movie (Corny Collins from Hairspray and the Prince from Enchanted). Anyway, the best part is when she actually tries on the 27 bridesmaid dresses. So, that should tell you something about the plot.

Watching these movies is kind of like watching The Real World. It doesn't matter if you start completely in the middle and catch the beginning at a later date. You'll figure out what's going on. Devil is definitely better, but 27 is a close second. Do not rent these movies. They're only good if you happen to come across them on television. You'll be sucked in. And, you'll know how much they suck, but...that's not really the point.

Drive me crazy--drove me crazy

Yesterday I convinced my boyfriend to watch Drive me Crazy. I bought it for 5 dollars at a blow out sale. The death of the DVD industry means $5 movies for me!
So I bought it and magically spun a tale and convinced my very heterosexual, action loving boyfriend to watch it with me. "It's really transgressive. It's snappy" I said. "There's this scene where they show all the popular kids cheering at a bball game and then compare it to a Nazi rally. Trust me. It's good."
We started watching and it was bad. Really bad. The clothes were bad bad bad the casting was god awful. I mean, I love Melissa Joan Hart but who could buy her as the popular bitchy girl? She's sweet. She's Clarissa. She's Sabrina. She's not hot. She's pure and has cankles.
The dialogue was embarassing. It made me cringe. But I loved it. It reminded me of sixth grade. I had an eraser in sixth grade that I wrote ADRIAN GRENIER all over. As I erased it became ADRIAN GRENIE then ADRIAN GREN, then ADRI. God I was so in love with him. Now he's in this really shiteous show called "Entourage." Alright, back to the movie. It's a classic My Fair Lady motif. Adrian Grenier is Chase Hammond-the outcast loser with a social conscience. MJH is Nicole (forgot last name)popular girl who is Ms. School Spirit. They start dating to make their exes jealous and then --GASP!--they start falling in love with each other. She makes him over into a Gap mannequin and he starts hanging with all the cool kids. It's really an awful 1.5 hours. Melissa Joan Hart and Adrian Grenier have as much chemistry as lobotomized siblings. But I won't lie. There are snippets of gold. Adrian Grenier leaves this message on his ex girlfriend's answering machine in response to her message: "if you really want me to get back to you, leave three original ways why high school sucks." Chase: "Uh..let's see. There's the rampant homophobia. No pep rallies for the debate team...which actually leads to, I'm sure, the much larger issue of the highly fascist nature of pep rallies in general.Speeches. Saluting. Banners. I think you see where I'm going here. I mean, one of these days, a coach is going to suggest invading Poland.Uh, finally, it sucks because after you break up with someone, you can't escapethem, and it just kills you to seethem...everyday. Dulcie. Call me.Tonight. I don't care when you get in" God. Adrian Grenier serenading me with pop leftist talk like that...the thought of it makes me salivate. He's no Lloyd Dobbler--John Cusack was truly the king of awkward, endearing, highly critical protagonists, but he'll do.
I give this move a C-. But if you have fond memories of it from when you were a dumb 12 year old it's a solid C+.

Year of the Dog...a movie review

Peggy (played by Molly Shannon) is single and she works as a secretary. Her best friend, her bed partner, and her companion is her little Beagle named Pencil. Pencil dutifully sits with Peggy on the couch to watch television each evening and lovingly waits for her to return at the end of each day. Pencil is Peggy's constant. So, when Pencil is suddenly dies in her neighbor's yard, Peggy is devastated. (The neighbor is played by the very ugly John C. Reilly.)

Peggy gets a call from an animal rights activist, Newt (played by Peter Sarsgaard), who gives Peggy a new dog, a German Shepherd named Valentine. [Peter Sarsgaard is incredibly good in this movie. Peggy sort of falls for him. But, he is a self-proclaimed asexual and leads Peggy on, but then backs off and gives asexuality as the reason even though he probably is just gay.] Peggy ends up taking the dog and becoming friends with Newt. He introduces her to veganism and she embraces this for all its worth.

Peggy's animal rights activism ends up getting her into some trouble at work and she even violates the neighborhood code of health when, in a manic-panic move, adopts some twenty dogs at the pound who are to be terminated. She becomes so fixated on her cause that people call her crazy.

All of the actors are great--especially Laura Dern who plays Peggy's sister-in-law. However, the whole reason this movie works is due to Molly Shannon. She brings a vulnerability and a quirkiness to her character that you can't help but love. Shannon's Peggy is getting crazier and crazier through out the movie. But, Peggy is so good to her co-workers and so loyal to her friends and so sweet to her niece and nephew, that Peggy's dip over the edge is more sad than scary. All of the office employees and everyone else in life have their own dramas, their own obstacles(married people: what to make for dinner; dating: is he cheating, is he not?; workers: too much time at the office versus time at home). We all have our thing. Well, Peggy becomes totally obsessed with hers.

We all have our own obligations (that sometimes turn into compulsions). So, it's kind of refreshing to see someone like Peggy--who has sort of rejected the whole marriage and children--break out of conventional expectations to first find a cause worth going crazy for and then actually taking the plunge. She's into animal rights. She goes way over board and ultimately way out of control.

Peggy's free fall into the abyss is really good. You can see her tumble and you're holding out a hand to grasp, but Peggy's already made up her mind that she's determined to hit bottom. We see someone get all the way down to the ground only to have that exhilarating smack give assurance to the validity of the leap. Peggy is not deterred by her eventual total breakdown. It only confirms that this cause she has chosen actually is worth fighting for. It's worth it to her.

Don't worry about this movie turning you vegan. (But, you'll probably think twice about eating chickens.) It might, however, make you determined to find your own passion and maybe even get you excited about the anticipation of your own mental breakdown. Once you recover, your path will be pretty clear.

DOG FIGHT...a movie review

I was lying on the top bunk. My roommate was on the bottom. The lights were out and we were talking our way to sleep. Movies. We know so many movies. Popular movies. Obscure Movies. Independent movies. On this night, we were sort of quizzing each other.

"Iliak Kulik," I challenged. "Ice skater from the Olympics. He was in 'Center Stage,'" she responded.

And on it went.

"The mom from 'Family Ties.'" Without missing a beat, "Oh, you mean Meredith Baxter Birney, who starred in the 'Betty Broderick Story' on Lifetime?"

We were so on. It was like playing a really good game of tennis: lots of vollies.

But, then came the real test. "Okay, but what about that one movie with Lili Taylor [we LOVE Lili Taylor--you know, Lloyd Dobbler's best friend from 'Say Anything'] and River Phoenix where..." I cut her off to answer: DOG FIGHT.

It's the 1960s. Vietnam War time. River Phoenix plays Birdlace, a marine on liberty in San Francisco who's about to be shipped out. While waiting to meet up with his friends, he sits in a coffeeshop. He spots the waitress, Rose, played by Lili Taylor. She's facing a corner and cautiously playing the guitar. Rose is sort of chunky and sweet as she smiles at the marine. He knows that she's the right girl for him--the girl he should take to meet his buddies.

He persuades her to go out with him and even waits for her outside while she picks out an outfit. We see Rose in her bedroom trying on every piece of clothing she owns. Putting everything on. Seeing if it fits. No. Too tight. No. Too frumpy. Finally, she stuffs herself into a pouffy yellow number, teases up her hair and applies heavy make-up. She comes out to see Birdlace and his eyes widen. Perfect. She looks perfect for tonight. They walk over to the bar.

Lots of marines are already there with dates. Birdlace gets himself drunk at the bar and refuses to dance. Annoyed by this behavior and sick to her stomach, Rose runs to the bathroom where she meets one of the marines' dates. She tells Rose that she ain't in no normal dance hall. This, sweet girl, is a Dog Fight. And, Rose is one of the dogs. See, the marines rent out a place. They each bring as a date the ugliest girl they can find. And, whoever has the ugliest date wins. The woman who tells Rose is actually a hired prostitute (which goes against the Dog Fight rules). She takes her teeth out to gain points with the judges in exchange for a cut of the prize money. She tells Rose that she actually looks pretty decent when she's not, you know, winning the Dog Fight.

Rose is livid and hurt. Birdlace feels kind of bad and tells her that he didn't dance with her because that's when the real judging starts. Rose doesn't really buy any of it and she leaves. Rose somehow affects Birdlace the way no other dog has. He ends up going to her house and convinces her to have a proper date with him that night. She does. Rose changes into her everyday, normal clothes. Birdlace, The Marine, throughout the night, ends up falling for Rose, The Pacifist. And, Rose even beds him in her room before daybreak when he ships out.

This movie is good because it's not a big show-y plot. It's quite simple. And, in its simplicity comes the charm of the actors and the characters. Lili Taylor's Rose is a promoter of peace, yet she is ballsy and tough on Birdlace throughout. River Phoenix's Birdlace ends up being kind of charming once he convincingly comes to love Rose. We the audience get to go on this date and understand Rose and Birdlace for who they become by encountering each other. And, after accompanying them on their date, we may even be able to forget the Dog Fight. Well, forgive it, but don't forget it.

PINK MARTINI's "Hey Eugene"...a song review

Have you ever hit it off with someone at a party? Or at a bar? Or at a club? Or in line at Target buying sheets? Like, really hit it off? And, you're not dreaming of a wedding and children with this guy. You're just feeling like maybe there's something there. Something that could turn real.

And, you give in. You give him your number--even though you've given your number out before only to wait by the phone, hoping he'll call because HE SAID HE'D CALL. It's not like you were making this up or anything.

Let's say that you're not simply chatting, but that you actually hang out together all night. You dance together, and he says that you were the best salsa dancer THAT HE HAS EVER COME ACROSS IN NEW YORK CITY.

This is the song, "Hey Eugene," by Pink Martini. The girl is not in love with the guy and she's not delusional. After all, he's the one that kept flattering her all evening and pointedly asked for her number, adding IS IT TOO SOON IF I CALL YOU SUNDAY?

The song is so familiar in that heartbreaking sort of way. So many times, I've thought I've really hit it off with someone only to find out (mainly through lack of a phone call) that he just wasn't that into me. Why, boys? WHY? Why go through the charade of it all? Why even ask? If you aren't prepared to dial the digits, don't get my hopes up by asking for them.

Pink Martini paints a picture of this exact scenario. The singer isn't angry or even in the mood to blame the guy. Mainly, she's just bewildered. And, her bewilderment is comforting to those who enjoy a heartbreaking familiarity.

The Legend of Billie Jean

It's about time I wrote a review. The Legend of Billie Jean is a gem with performances by Christian Slater and Helen Slater (who play brother and sister in the movie but ARE NOT RELATED IN REAL LIFE. Trust me on this one and save yourself 1/2 an hour on IMDB) and YEARDLEY SMITH. Billie Jean is a super femme Children of the Corn looking bombshell. She and her brother Binks, played by Christian Slater are out on the river one day when a rich boy named Hubie Pyatt steals Binks' beloved scooter. It shows up later on the lawn of their trailer park totally totaled. Billie Jean goes to Hubie's dad's store and demands the 608 dollars it will take to repair the scooter. The dad refuses and tries to get Billie Jean to have sex with him. The scene ends with Binks accidentally shooting Mr. Pyatt with a gun Hubie's dad claimed was not loaded. Eh, you're probably thinking they should go straight to the police since Billie Jean was sexually assaulted and Binks was tricked. No. Instead they go on the lam and become wanted fugitives. Hubie's dad begins to spread lies about the kids on all variety of media outlets--calling them thieves and criminals. To set the record straight Billie Jean makes her own video. She comes out with a completely butch dyke haircut, wearing some sort of teal wetsuit and a singular jangly and dangly earring. She is a vision. Some sort of GI Jane amazon warrior woman. She makes a video rebutting Mr. Pyatt's assertions and demands the 608 dollars to fix the scooter stating "Fair is fair!" The networks get a hold of the video and Billie Jean becomes a legend. Girls everywhere start shorning their locks and donning a singular dangly earring. We see "fair is fair" emblazoned on visors (this is the 80's after all) and bumper stickers. People begin donning Billie Jean t-shirts and baseball caps. It's beautiful. It's a movement. It's Billie Jean! In a final standoff Billie Jean sets fire to Mr. Pyatt's business (he's hawking Billie Jean merchandise, the filthy pig) and we see a huge statute of Billie Jean become engulfed by flames. It's a vision of Joan of Arc. Joan of Arc was on TV and inspired Billie Jean to cut off her hair.

Oh god...I'm not doing justice to this movie because it's 2 am in the morning..but it's good. It's good in a mainstream 80's movie sort of way..but it's good because there's not this sort of fare coming out right now. Theres Highschool musical bullshit and Twilight fodder. But this movie was about class tensions, gender equity, a radical transformation of another sort. Billie Jean goes from trailer trash prom queen to iconic feminist punk. Forget the Cinderella moment in She's All That where a homely girl turns into a beauty queen simply by taking off her glasses Here, Billie Jean cuts off all her hair. Becomes, ostensibly, "less pretty." But she kicks ass. Oh and did I mention Peter Coyote as the good cop?