The Legend of Billie Jean

It's about time I wrote a review. The Legend of Billie Jean is a gem with performances by Christian Slater and Helen Slater (who play brother and sister in the movie but ARE NOT RELATED IN REAL LIFE. Trust me on this one and save yourself 1/2 an hour on IMDB) and YEARDLEY SMITH. Billie Jean is a super femme Children of the Corn looking bombshell. She and her brother Binks, played by Christian Slater are out on the river one day when a rich boy named Hubie Pyatt steals Binks' beloved scooter. It shows up later on the lawn of their trailer park totally totaled. Billie Jean goes to Hubie's dad's store and demands the 608 dollars it will take to repair the scooter. The dad refuses and tries to get Billie Jean to have sex with him. The scene ends with Binks accidentally shooting Mr. Pyatt with a gun Hubie's dad claimed was not loaded. Eh, you're probably thinking they should go straight to the police since Billie Jean was sexually assaulted and Binks was tricked. No. Instead they go on the lam and become wanted fugitives. Hubie's dad begins to spread lies about the kids on all variety of media outlets--calling them thieves and criminals. To set the record straight Billie Jean makes her own video. She comes out with a completely butch dyke haircut, wearing some sort of teal wetsuit and a singular jangly and dangly earring. She is a vision. Some sort of GI Jane amazon warrior woman. She makes a video rebutting Mr. Pyatt's assertions and demands the 608 dollars to fix the scooter stating "Fair is fair!" The networks get a hold of the video and Billie Jean becomes a legend. Girls everywhere start shorning their locks and donning a singular dangly earring. We see "fair is fair" emblazoned on visors (this is the 80's after all) and bumper stickers. People begin donning Billie Jean t-shirts and baseball caps. It's beautiful. It's a movement. It's Billie Jean! In a final standoff Billie Jean sets fire to Mr. Pyatt's business (he's hawking Billie Jean merchandise, the filthy pig) and we see a huge statute of Billie Jean become engulfed by flames. It's a vision of Joan of Arc. Joan of Arc was on TV and inspired Billie Jean to cut off her hair.

Oh god...I'm not doing justice to this movie because it's 2 am in the morning..but it's good. It's good in a mainstream 80's movie sort of way..but it's good because there's not this sort of fare coming out right now. Theres Highschool musical bullshit and Twilight fodder. But this movie was about class tensions, gender equity, a radical transformation of another sort. Billie Jean goes from trailer trash prom queen to iconic feminist punk. Forget the Cinderella moment in She's All That where a homely girl turns into a beauty queen simply by taking off her glasses Here, Billie Jean cuts off all her hair. Becomes, ostensibly, "less pretty." But she kicks ass. Oh and did I mention Peter Coyote as the good cop?