Roger Ebert

I don’t miss Roger Ebert.  I don’t miss him because I feel that he is so much a part of who I am as a writer and as a movie viewer that he will never be gone for me.  His passing gives me an opportunity to reflect on the trajectory of his career that has influenced my life.  This sounds egotistical, but it is the highest and only compliment I can give a person I do not personally know, but who has given me so much. 

Roger Ebert died.  There have been tributes and articles about him from many news publications and blogs.  I had no idea that he influenced so many people—and that his effect was not only on film criticism, but also on writing style.  I have felt a certain amount of comfort from the outpouring of love for Mr. Ebert.  I feel connected to these people because they recognized genius in the same place I did.  I now know that what I feel for Roger Ebert is not special because so many others feel and felt the same way as I.  I take solace in the idea that I am part of the group.  Roger appealed to me (and probably everyone) because he was such a personal and honest writer, and I take comfort in the idea that so many people appreciated a mantra that Ebert stood for, which is that the more personal something is, the more universally felt it is. 

Roger Ebert has been a societal staple since before I was born.  I watched him on the review show, Siskel and Ebert, most Sunday mornings and I was always vaguely familiar with his influence on movies.  For most of my life, however, I did not realize how much he championed independent films.  My favorite movie is Hoop Dreams—a documentary about two high school basketball players and their families.  Really, though, it is an exploration of class and race.  When I was a child, I was not exposed to inner city life, which included drugs and poverty.  Hoop Dreams allowed a white girl from suburbia to open her eyes to not only a different American existence but also to the power of exposing such truth.  I only found out many years later that Roger Ebert was a person who pushed to have Hoop Dreams be released widely.  That is the brilliance of a visionary.

If Roger had only been a writer, if he had only been a reviewer of movies, I would have liked him, but I probably would not have loved him.  However, I began to respect him when, after he got cancer, he began to write about disabilities and society’s reaction to illness.  Roger said in articles that, even though his face was deformed from the way it normally looked, he would not hide from public.  He would continue to attend events and his annual Ebertfest.  Roger insisted that the American public was far too removed and not accepting of people with deformities and disabilities, and he would work to challenge the discrimination. 

I was impressed with how he confronted perceptions of disability and beauty.  Further, Roger never seemed defeated by his illness.  When he lost his ability to speak and then eat, he managed to find joy and purpose in his life.  He communicated via his computer; he wrote; he took long walks.  Roger embraced the life and vitality he still possessed.  I had to ask myself if I could do the same.  I was healthy and able, and, yet, I often lacked the ability to embrace the shape of my body and the potential influence of my words.  Just by continuing to live his everyday life, he showed me how valuable and rich my own life was.  My job was to have enough guts to embrace myself. 

Whenever I write or otherwise communicate, Roger’s influence is my companion.  I strive to hear my own truth and have the courage to display my ideas, my voice, and my vision.  Roger Ebert influenced me and millions more just by sharing his point of view and not being afraid to embrace all sides of himself.  His showcasing of his vulnerabilities—both in his life and in his creative works—has taught me that the bravest people live the most raw lives.  How can I thank him?  He is gone.  I will never meet him.  I probably never would have met him in life.  I believe, though, that it is not important to put flowers on a grave.  The most vital way to pay tribute to a life respected is to embrace the influence that person had on my life everyday.  I forever stay in pursuit of honesty in memory of Roger Ebert, a person who was brave enough to show the world his truth.   That is my most precious memorial to my most precious role model.