Dixie Carter (Designing Women)

Designing Women was a bit like the poor man's Golden Girls. Younger, but not sassier. These ladies ran some sort of design business, I guess. But, you know they were always sitting around with each other, drinking tea and talking. I mentioned to a friend that Designing Women seemed sort of surface-y and not very important. He reminded me about the themes that ran rampant in the series. I mean, we have working, independent, mostly single (some mothers) women. There was a gay, black employee named Anthony. Okay, I guess it really wasn't all that progressive. I mean, a gay interior decorator isn't really revolutionary. And, I think that Anthony had a police record that was addressed in passing in one or two of the episodes. I really hope that Anthony's character was an attempt to showcase characters of different backgrounds and not a nod to racism. I'm in an optimistic mood, so I'll give Designing Women the benefit of the doubt.

As I'm sure you've heard by now, Dixie Carter (who played Julia Sugarbaker) recently passed away. I really didn't know much about her aside from her role on Designing Women (and a really great t.v. movie starring Shannen Doherty and Kevin Dillon called Gone In the Night) and that she was married to Hal Holbrook. Well, sometimes after someone passes, you learn a lot more about her or his life than you knew when s/he was alive. That's true for celebrities and non-celebrities. I learned that Dixie didn't meet and marry Hal until she was in her forties. That really does warm my heart. To think that she could find some sort of career success, have children and then meet her soul mate really makes me believe that life is always worth living because you never know where or when you'll find love. I don't care if I'm reaching when I call them soul mates. I don't care if I sound corny. I remember seeing Dixie and Hal in interviews, and they seemed like they really adored one another. Of course, the love between this couple makes Dixie's death all the more sad.

I know this sounds selfish and maybe even morbid, but when I hear about a celebrity who has died, I search my brain, trying to remember if I liked her in a certain role or how she was connected to my life in some way, even by way of the television. I have to say that I felt like Dixie's passing was sort of emotional in a very selfish way because I really didn't think too much of Dixie's daughters or her own loved ones. I thought about the love that she and Hal had. I thought about how that same sort of love still has the potential to show up in my own life. Though it may sound self-absorbent, I really feel like Dixie's passing allowed my heart to open a little more. Love. Love love love. Is there anything more important, more valuable? I hope not.

Listening Is an Act of Love: A Celebration of American Life from the StoryCorps Project (audio cd from NPR)

My grandma was the best talker I knew. Funny. Smart. Sensitive. Caring. Self-deprecating. Engaging. She had some great stories, and I wish I had thought to record them. The closest I have is a cassette tape my sister made of an interview she did with our grandma for a women's studies class in college. And, it's kind of marred because my other sister is screeching/singing in the background.

StoryCorps is a project from NPR. Booths have been set up mainly in big cities in order for people to interview or prompt a story from a loved one. And, that last part matters. The loved one. It makes such a difference to hear a story told to a grandson or a mother or a brother. It's so much more intimate than talking directly into a microphone--a void--or getting interviewed by a stranger. The cd is really the way to listen to StoryCorps. (Don't even bother with the accompanying book). And, it's best--as with most radio programs--to listen while driving (good advice, Mr. Ira Glass). There are about 20 stories on the cd and they're each three or four minutes long.

The best interviews in the collection are the ones where the interviewer already knows the beats and rhythms of the tales. She just likes to hear it told by the right person and with the right level of intimacy. One of my favorites is from a Korean-American woman (born in the US) who interviews her mother about how she promoted affection and love in her marriage, their household and, by extension, the rest of their family. The story is sweet, but the best part is at the end when the mother asks the daughter how she feels about having a loving, affectionate family. The daughter likes it and you can hear it in her voice that she's telling the truth. Another good interview is between a grandfather and a grown grandson. The grandson asks his grandfather about how he and his grandmother decided on adoption. It is clear from the interview that the grandfather never thought twice about adoption and that he loved his children unconditionally. The exchange between the men is loving and only after the story was over did I realize that the grandson was the biological son of the adopted child. Beautiful.

Listening to these stories brought me back to when I used to beg my grandma to tell me stories. I knew how they ended because I had heard them hundreds of times before. That didn't matter because what I was really begging for was to hear the inflections in my grandma's voice, to see her become animated, to get a glimpse of her soul. StoryCorps does that in a different sort of way. No, you do not know the people on the cd. But, you become intimate with the listener of the loved one more than you even like the story. The story sounds more tender, more intimate, because the storyteller is talking for the benefit of his or her loved one. By extension, you become the loved one. It's a very cozy feeling to be in that position--especially when your great storyteller of a grandma is no longer here.

My favorite story is about Miss Divine, a strict Sunday school teacher. I laughed out loud, and I listened to it over and over. It was so endearing and funny because of the cousins who told the story. I felt like a fellow cousin who endured the wrath of Miss Divine right along with them. I felt so connected to humanity. Listening was as intimate as talking on the telephone. I felt like no one else in the world was around, yet I was so aware of the world's beauty. What more can I say? Go out and buy the cd. Give one to a friend. Record your own stories. Whatever we do, let's just keep this going. It's too good to stop.