A Walk In the Clouds...a movie review

A Walk In the Clouds...a movie starring Keanu Reeves

"A Walk In the Clouds" is one of the worst movies ever made. I saw it recently on television and I watched it. Not because I had not watched it before. I had. In fact, I saw it TWICE at the movies. I watched it again because I remember loving it so much.

This is one of those movies that if you loved it when you were younger, you should never watch again because you will feel like a total moron with no taste and ideals so sentimental that you are bound to throw up just from that acknowledgment. I really do not remember how old I was when I first saw it. I would like to say that I was about two and did not know the oven from my mother. No. Not the case. I was a teenager for sure, and I cannot believe I actually bought into the sappy storyline. I can't even believe this movie was allowed to be made. But, I loved it when I was younger, and I choose to remember why.

First off, the scenery is really beautiful in the movie. A vineyard. A big, airy kitchen. A beautiful actress and an even more beautiful actor--Keanu. It was the perfect tone for 15 year olds because Keanu is good-looking but not threatening in his manliness. He longs to raise a family with his wife. He is a war hero. An orphan. He wants stability and children and only wants to make a living to come home to the ones he loves. Hook. Line. Sinker. I was in. In. In. In. I thought to myself, "Yes, Keanu, I want that, too. Just let me kill your wife and I'll sign on the dotted line."

Of course, he--the sweet soldier who sells chocolates...aaahhh!--is on a business trip and runs into a beautiful Mexican-American woman on her way home to her family's vineyard in Napa, on break from her master's program. She is pregnant and needs Keanu to pretend to be the father. He obliges and soon finds that he loves her big, close-knit family, a family he has forever longed for. He, of course, begins to fall in love with Victoria. Oh, the best part is when, after the grape harvest, there is a grape-crushing ceremony. Keanu and Victoria--as the newest newlyweds--are carried into the vat of grapes and smash about with the other married women. It is all very sexy. The image of the two of them running into the bedroom to consummate their love is still burned in my mind. So, why in the world did I not like this movie again?

Because it is sappy and predictable and totally absurd. Keanu manages to assist the father in burning down the prized orchard and the ultimate metaphor is in the lone tree that has survived the burn. Keanu says something like, "Can it be saved?" Of course, the roots are in tact and it can. However, the rebuilding will only take another 50 years. No big deal. Watching this now...all I want to do is strangle that twirp, Keanu. What a dickhead thing to say.

So, if you are over the age of, say 17, do not see this movie. It really isn't even worth seeing Keanu. (If you must see Keanu, see "Point Break." He's even in a bathing suit and a lot more naked than here.) However, for all of the reasons above, I wholeheartedly recommend this movie to girls and some boys ages 9-17. Only they will appreciate the beautiful landscape and the in-your-face moral lessons. They will love it.