The Ballad of Jack and Rose

I don't know how I am supposed to watch The Ballad of Jack and Rose. Is it entertaining in its simplicity OR is it so getting off on its wannabe-artsy aesthetic that it's actually giving itself a boner? I want to like it--mainly so that I can trick myself into feeling like an academic or an intellectual. Mostly, though, I loathe this movie. I loathe it for waxing poetic when the plot is too fluffy for it to hold any substance.

The characters are all pretty unlikeable, if not aesthetically (at least in the abstract) beautiful. Daniel Day Lewis is the emaciated father who smokes like a chimney. He and his daughter live on a now-defunct hippie commune somewhere off of New York's coast. The daughter is played by a Botticelli-like angel (who possesses little more charisma than her pure looks provide). Father and daughter are living their pseudo-incestuous life alone on the island when Day Lewis decides that his daughter, Rose, may need a mother to look after her sooner than later. Okay, so, the name "Rose" brings me to the first of the heavy-handed metaphors throughout this movie. See, the cinematography is kind of gorgeous. And, if you can stay alert for that, then you can make your life at least bearable for the 150 minutes of screen time by picking out all of the sexual metaphors. It's a game, if you will. Ah, Rose. Rose, who has a green thumb for flowers, turns out to be a little minx who cannot wait to **here it comes** be de-flowered. Not obvious enough? Not convinced yet? There's more.

Rose uses a shotgun and snakes to assert her own phallic powers in relation to her father. When her semi-incestuous home life is suddenly threatened by the arrival of Dad's new girlfriend (Catherine Keener) and her two sons, Rose's playhouse is suddenly blown over, dilapidated and destroyed. It goes on and on. Part of me wants to give the filmmakers credit for devising such a game of "spot the metaphors" in a maze of ugly characters. Mostly, though, I'm just annoyed about the whole farce. I'm annoyed because, deep down, I think the filmmakers ACTUALLY wanted to make a whip-smart film. They didn't. Oh, and don't EVEN get me started on the totally useless, throw-away character that is Jason Lee. He's too good for this movie. Now, that's saying a lot.